I don’t know the first time I heard the song Bodies by The Smashing Pumpkins, but the power of the line(s) in the song noting “love is suicide” has stuck with me since then. While I won’t pretend to be able to fully understand what Billy Corgan was intending to mean in his lyrics, I do know what it has meant to me and how that affects me.
To me, since hearing this song, it’s flipped my mindset on what Love is. I had initially believed Loving (someone, some thing, whatever) as being totally passionate about it, wholly. While I still hold this to be true, I feel like Love goes even deeper than that. Love is to essentially be dead to yourself, caring for nothing other than that which you love.
This has been a bit of a mind bender for me as I’ve navigated life, and really complicates things as I pile on things which I Love. Things start out simple enough as we’re young and have either a single interest, but as life progresses you begin seeing that your Love gets spread thinner and thinner between family, work, passions, hobbies, whatever. The end result a constant that in order to satisfy those loves, your love for self essentially has to die.
Now as I type this, I’m painfully aware at how morbid this seems. It’s actually depressing if you dwell on it too much, which is why I don’t, but as in all things, attempt to see the good in the situation. Having something to give your all for can conversely be a life saver. If you’re pouring your all into family, then in all likelihood, they’ll be pouring their all into you. I think same goes for anything that you pour your all into. It’s more or less the age old saying of You’ll reap what you Sow. While Love may seem like death to ones self, I believe it to be anything but. Even as life seems to want to complicate things.